Tag Archives: contest

How To Get A Free E-book

Sulfurings e-book anthologyIn this past week’s gnewsletter, the garden gnomes announced they were going to give away a free copy of the latest e-book in the Biblical Legends Anthology Series–Sulfurings: Tales from Sodom & Gomorrah. Half of you jumped for glee and two of you just jumped. Through space and time, I heard one confused soul burp and shout, “Pickles!”

I’m not naming names.

Well, the gnomes decided to do what any self-respecting gnome would do under similar circumstances. We met in committee and took a vote, threw out the results, cast another vote, burned the tallies, and then turned to Spiff and said, “Care to?”

To which Spiff replied, “Just do.” So we did.

We extended the deadline.

We were going to have our drawing at the end of July, but we realized that some of you folks are slow readers and that wouldn’t be fair. So we’ll have our drawing instead at the end of August. And we think that’s a good time because it’s just before September. So it’s settled then.

But what is the contest? Simply this:

Review The Garden of Eden

Garden of Eden AnthologyThere’s a reason we give away the Garden of Eden anthology. It’s not just to make us feel good about high distribution numbers. Drug dealers don’t give away crack just to run their numbers up, do they? Well, aren’t we every bit as devilish as your drug dealer?

Don’t answer that.

Instead, read the Garden of Eden anthology and leave us a review. For every review, you’ll get a chance to win the coveted e-book award. We’re giving away one free copy of Sulfurings: Tales from Sodom & Gomorrah. If you’ve already got it, you can choose another book from my Smashwords store or Amazon store. If you prefer, you can hold out for a free copy of Deluge: Tales of Survival and Tragedy. If you want your free copy to be a gift for someone else, just say so!

So what do you have to do to enter this giveaway? We’re glad you asked.

  • First, read the Garden of Eden anthology. You can get the anthology by subscribing to our gnewsletter–the Garden Gnome Gnews–or at any of the leading bookstores: Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Kobo, or Smashwords.
  • Next, leave a review of the anthology at any of those locations. For each review you’ll receive an entry into the drawing.
  • You can also review the anthology on your blog, and if you link to any of the sales pages where the Garden of Eden anthology can be downloaded for free, you’ll receive an entry for each link.
  • Finally, tweet “I read the Garden of Eden anthology” and link to any of the sales pages where the anthology can be downloaded. For each link/tweet, you’ll receive a contest entry (limit to one per day per sales page link).

So, just to be clear. If you tweet “I read the Garden of Eden anthology” and link to the Amazon sales page for the Garden of Eden anthology, that’s one contest entry. If you tweet the phrase and link to the Smashwords page for the anthology, that’s another contest entry. If you link to the Garden of Eden download page on this website, that’s another entry.

And so on.

To ensure your entries are counted, send an e-mail to editor @ gardengnomepubs.com and let us know of each review along with a link to your review. With each of your tweets, @mention Allen_Taylor and you’ll get credit for your tweets.

Oh, and one more thing. If you’ve already reviewed the Garden of Eden anthology, you can still enter. Just e-mail us the links to your reviews and follow all the same rules as everyone else.

If you have questions or need clarification about any of these rules, send those to the chief garden gnome at editor @ gardengnomepubs.com. And may your feet forever smell like rosemary.

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Flim-Flam Games: Are Themes Necessary?

garden gnome themesAs we wrap up the last week of the June Flim-Flam Games, the garden gnomes do not have a single flash lined up for July. That’s unusual, especially when you consider that we had June’s Flim-Flam Game submissions all set to publish before the end of the first week in May. That means we haven’t had any solid submissions in two months.

We have had a few close calls, but we aren’t playing with hand grenades.

The gnomes are confident that we will receive some submissions for July, but we’d like your feedback on themes. It has been our observation that at least half of the submissions we receive don’t bother to address them, so we’re kind of wondering if themes are necessary. Do readers like them? Do writers? If so, how should we establish themes for each month’s Flim-Flam Games?

Please take the poll below and tell us what you think about the Flim-Flam Games and whether or not themes are necessary. As usual, we thank you from the bottom of our bottomless hearts.

What kind of themes should the Flim-Flam Games have?

  • Garden Gnome Publications should state two or three themes each month (42%, 5 Votes)
  • A combination of both methods above (25%, 3 Votes)
  • No themes; they're stupid (17%, 2 Votes)
  • Themes should be based on weird holidays at Holiday Insights (8%, 1 Votes)
  • Readers should suggest and vote on themes (8%, 1 Votes)

Total Voters: 12

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Frozen Armadillo For Sale

Let’s get started. This is Flim-Flam’s first flash fiction piece – by yours truly. A small taste. Be sure to get the details of our Flim-Flam contest and win a chance at publication plus $5.

This will be the last piece you see from me. I want to see what you have to offer, so enter the contest. Submit future flim-flam flash when the contest is over.

Frozen Armadillo For Sale

By Allen Taylor

Suzie Shrewsbury steps out of her 4X4 jet black Dually in her snazzy rodeo queen cowboy boots. A burly grizzly-faced man walking from the front door of a trailer home grins big so she can see his yellowing teeth. He is carrying an armadillo in his left hand, holding it by its short tail.

“Are you the man selling the frozen armadillo?” She says.

“One and the same,” he yells.

He stretches out his huge right hand. She takes it, shakes.

“Bill Trumble,” he grins.

“Suzie,” she says. Her father’s voice chides her for not being too careful.

“How much?”

“Fifty dollars, whole shebang.”

“I thought it was thirty.”

“Nope. Fifty.”

“You said thirty on the phone.”

“That was my son. He don’t know nothing. My armadillo.”

“So you won’t honor thirty?”

“No ma’am. Got thirty into it. Wouldn’t make me nothing.”

“Very well.” She opens the door of her Dually and starts to step in. Bill snatches her arm with his handshaking hand.

“Wait a sec,” he says. “Maybe we can work something out.”

Suzie stops, closes the Dually door. She waits for Bill to say something. He’s staring at her tits. He escapes from his trance and shouts, “Tell you what,” snapping his fingers and pointing. “I’ll take forty.” He grins ear to ear at his offer too good to refuse.

“Thirty,” she snaps coldly, folding her arms across her chest.

Bill’s smile turns sour. He grows frustrated and chomps, “Toldja. Got thirty in. I can’t just go giving my armadillo away. How about a compromise?”

Suzie opens the truck door again and sets her foot on the running board. She starts to climb in. Bill looks at her ass. Her jeans, a little wide for a girl her size, have a leather pad on the back with “Lee” written across it. A designer belt, bejeweled and sequined, reads, “B I T C H” in bold pink letters. Bill’s eyes travel down her long slender legs to her boots.

“Those armadillo?” He asks, upbeat.

Suzie turns. She sits in the driver’s seat of the Dually, stretches her legs out. “These?” she asks, pointing her toes.

“Yeah. Them armadillos?”

She places one boot on the floorboard of the pickup and crosses the other over her knee, sits with her legs in a figure four. She caresses the boot on her knee. Her long pink fingernails glide across its leather skin and she smiles. It was the first time Bill had seen her teeth, a perfect line of pearly white. The gleam in her eye told him she was flirting, trying to use her feminine wiles to get him to drop his price again.

“Yeah.” Her voice jumps like a high school cheerleader. “I loooo-ooove armadillos. Don’t you, Bill?”

Bill loves armadillos, but he doesn’t like to kill them. Suzie leans forward, sliding her hands over her custom-made boot, kneading her toes like fresh bread dough. Bill gets a glimpse of her breast and a tattoo of an armadillo just above it.

“You fiend!”

Suzie’s eyes widen. She’s startled as she sees Bill lift the armadillo in his hand over his head. She uncrosses her legs and turns toward the steering wheel of the Dually but slips out of the truck instead, onto the ground. The armadillo cracks down on her shoulder and makes a loud pop.

“Armadillo killer!” Bill screams.

Suzie turns toward Bill, hoping to scare him away. The armadillo lands on her nose. It crackles.

“Oh, my God!”

Suzie screams bloody murder. She thinks her nose is broken. She bends forward, grabbing the nose with her hand, checking to see if it’s bleeding. The armadillo hammers down on her back and she can hear Bill screaming, “Bitch! Fucking bitch!”

The nose isn’t bleeding. Suzie rises to her feet with a loud screech and kicks at Bill. He backs away swinging the armadillo. Suzie jumps into her Dually and closes the door leaving Bill in his front yard heaving and holding his frozen armadillo, his grizzly face sprinkled with tears. He scowls as Suzie punches the gas throwing gravel when she guns the Dually out of the drive. Then she burns rubber with her cell phone to her ear as Bill shakes a fist at the sky.

Don’t forget about the contest. Garden gnomes like contests.

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Enter The Garden Gnome Flim-Flam Contest

flim-flam garden gnomeWhat’s so special about 5:00 p.m. EST Friday, August 30, 2013? That’s the deadline for the Garden Gnome Flim-Flam Contest.

Here are the details:

  • Follow these guidelines.
  • If you are the first person to submit a flash fiction story our garden gnomes find acceptable, you’ll receive $5 in PayPal money. That’s better than real money!

Format your subscriptions like this.

The winning submission will appear in the Garden Gnome flim-flam garden. Non-winning entries could still be published if acceptable. You’ll be notified beforehand and given the option to accept or reject publication.

I honestly don’t know what you’re waiting for. Submit today. Submit to submissions at gardengnomepubs dot com.

I said, “Submit!”

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