Tag Archives: garden gnome

Let It Rain

Have I ever seen the rain? Do you know who you’re talking to, motherfucker?

ever seen it rain?

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Published: My Secret Life As A Garden Gnome

my secret life as a garden gnomeThe secret is out! I’m a garden gnome.

“My Secret Life As A Garden Gnome” by Allen Taylor has been published at Smashed Cat Magazine. This is an absurd tale that will surely have you laughing out loud, and did you know this story is actually the inspiration behind Garden Gnome Publications? It’s absolutely true.

Here are the first few sentences of “My Secret Life As A Garden Gnome”:

    It started as an ailment to curiosity.

    I was walking home from school one spring day when I saw a statue of a little bearded man standing happily in Mrs. Crenshaw’s garden. I ventured into her yard for a closer look and he stood there in an unmoving, unflinching happy pose. Wondering how it would feel, I slid gracefully into the garden and stood beside him, doing my best to mimic his contentedness with a version of my own.

Read “My Secret Life As A Garden Gnome” right now at Smashed Cat Magazine.

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Kiss The Garden Gnome Month

Did you know October is Kiss The Garden Gnome Month? It sure is. So go and find a garden gnome and kiss the lucky fucker.

kiss the garden gnome

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Monday Meme: I’m From The Stone Age

Every Monday, the garden gnomes will publish a meme as a reflection of their very soul. The meme will be a statement of the core of our garden gnome character. We hope you like these aphorisms, for they are for you as much for us.

Oh, who am I kidding?

We’re as self-centered as you are. The difference is, we submit. You should too. Send us your flash fiction. Send it now. Send it when it is ready. Just send it. Enter our monthly Flim-Flim games.

And enjoy the memes.

please forgive me I'm from the stone age

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Ain’t I Sexy?

It’s Meme Monday. The garden gnomes are feeling sexy.

sexy as a garden gnome

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Submit To The Garden Gnome

Garden Gnome Publications has opened its doors. Sorry, gardens don’t have doors, do they? Oh well, you know what I mean.

At any rate, we love to read weird, funny, and strange horror stories. We’d like you to submit them to us. In the coming weeks and months you’ll hear more about our Biblical Legends Speculative Fiction Anthology Series. It will be a great opportunity for writers of weird fiction from a lot of genre backgrounds.

garden of eden biblical legendsOur first anthology will be the Garden of Eden.

In our Flim-Flam room you’ll find flash fictions of all themes. This is an open submission platform, meaning you can choose the topic, structure, tone, and what-not. Our only non-negotiable is that it must be good. And it must be flash. You can learn all about our flash needs on our Flash in the Pans page.

Well, that’s all for now. We hope you’ll submit. Or get out of the garden.

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