Tag Archives: J.B. Pravda

Who’s Runnin for Me, Now?

by J.B. Pravda

In the annals of captive animals, it was unheard of–much less run in any respected publication to date.

Labeled the ‘anti-cheetah’ by the zoological community, Furilongo’s excuse for the refusal of the species in question to run, preferring to ‘play’ possum’–the zookeeper’s own words–was deemed illogical (they hastening to add that this did not necessarily imply that the creature was ‘ill’).

Famed zoologist Quentin Furilongo was unable to bring the fleet-footed West African gazelle out of its lethargic funk–it seemed, as he wrote in the scholarly journal ‘Gazelle Gazette’, that the prized beast knew it was THE speed limit for all other creatures–‘fast as a gazelle’– thereby suffering from the fastest run syndrome.

Desperate–his colleagues piling-on characterization of his tactics–Furilongo chanced upon a solution: he would summon Cezar Lyon to coax the animal from its seemingly feigned lethargy.

There to witness certain failure, the skeptical Gazette reporter, Upton Cooper, was on hand at precisely high noon.

Whispering into the lethargic gazelle’s keen twitching ear Cezar seemed to be crooning, albeit faintly heard by human ears.

Suddenly, what had been a supine four-legged mass of motionless favorite red meat for the competitive cheetah so sprang into flight as to conjure the blurry rotary leg action of cartoon animations.

As Furilongo’s smile foretold, Cezar had done what seemed impossible without cheating; when questioned later by a truly surprised Cooper, Furilongo would only hum a tune, mumbling what sounded like these lyrics: “Do not forsake me, oh my yearling, on this your running day–”, and something about being frank concerning millet and a fresh downy bed.

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Yo-De-Ley-E-He!

By J.V. Pravda

gene autry yodelerNexTrends & Associates prided itself on its ability to detect and capitalize on the upcoming fads way before the competition; their latest was as far out as it was daring and soon its clients were making preparations to integrate the ‘next hot thing’ – yodeling – into their products and services.

One of their biggest accounts was to supply elevator music to every elevator in the city, thousands of them. Proud survey teams fanned out all over town, riding elevators, recording listeners’ reactions. Almost without fail, smiles were seen beaming broadly across the faces of the usually catatonically silent patrons of the closeted trip. Reports poured in overwhelmingly positive.

Bold innovators that they were, this breakthrough would be crowned with a coup de grâce suggested by their specially assigned senior researcher from Bavaria, Klaus Hergesheimer. His plan was simplicity itself: live yodelers, donning lederhosen and Bavarian costume, would be dispatched to the most prestigious buildings citywide as a grand publicity stunt, promoting both the firm and its prescience; when the companies learned of the musical innovation through their upbeat employees, the fortune of NexTrends would be sealed.

The day had arrived, along with a planeload of the fascinating crooners. At the largest skyscraper in town, the whole management team was packed into one elevator to witness the marketing coup. Suddenly, in mid-yodel, the most accomplished of the Bavarian songsters hoisted himself up through the elevator ceiling so as to achieve maximum echo-effect, to the surprised glee of the passengers, stood atop the car, and completed a particularly difficult yodeling riff of very high pitch, causing the cable to shred thereby killing everyone on board in a terrifying plunge of 75 stories.

J.V. Pravda was born in Brooklyn, NY. He was a U.S. government attorney during Watergate when he “Felt” uneasy about governments and laws; later, he became a public company CEO and lobbyist. Now, he is a multimedia artist, published and produced playwright (paid royalties), columnist for leading magazines, and a cancer survivor. He retired, on doctors orders, from business & lobbying. Self-taught in visual arts, his paintings have been published & exhibited as well as included in a national touring exhibition and several multimedia exhibitions in NY and other venues. Published diversity author via major university, winning finalist in Stymie Magazine’s 1st annual collector cards edition. Invitee, 2nd & 3rd Annual Slice Magazine Literary Writers Conference; lifetime guest artist @ Kennedy Center for the Performing Arts via 2006 Playwriting Intensives (invitation only).

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